A Shadow in the Ember

“I think you’re a lot of talk. You seem to have no real interest in anything beyond touching me, no matter what you claim you do with your hand and—”

“Death wants nothing to do with life. None of you can be surprised.”

“And you, liessa, are very brave. But, sometimes, one can be too brave. To the point it borders on foolishness. And you know what I’ve found about the foolishly brave? There’s a reason they often rush to greet death instead of having the wisdom to run from it. What is your reason? What drowns out that fear and pushes you to run so eagerly toward death?

“I remember how you showed me the way you like it. I play that over and over in my head. I could write a fucking tome on it by now. When I’m fisting my cock, I remember how you held my hand against you at the lake.”

“Look, it was clear—to me at least—that you didn’t want to do what you believed you had to. That doesn’t mean I agree with your actions or that I’m not disappointed. You seemed to make him…Anyway, it’s not like we don’t have explicit experience in carrying out terrible deeds because we believed we had no other choice.”

“Killing is not something one should have little regard for. It should always affect you, no matter how many times you do it. It should always leave a mark. And if it doesn’t, then I would have grave concerns about that individual.”

“You are sitting next to me, gloriously naked, and I am intentionally staring.”

“There is no other choice. Not for you. Not now. Even if you managed to escape punishment for what happened here, I staked my claim on you in front of others. That will spread, eventually reaching the attention of the gods and other Primals. They will become curious about you. They may even believe you hold some sort of sway over me. They will use you, and whatever ways you have paid these past three years will pale in comparison to what they will do.”

“My interest in you is a very real, very potent need. It’s almost as if it’s become its own thing. A tangible entity. I find myself thinking about it at the most inconvenient moments. I find myself recalling the taste of you on my fingers a little too frequently.”

“But when I’m around you, the last thing I want is to be uncomplicated. Or in control. Or decent. What I want is your taste on my tongue again. What I want is to be so deep inside you that I forget my own fucking name. And I don’t even need to read your emotions to know how much you want that, too.”

“One day, that mouth of yours is going to get you in the kind of trouble you won’t be able to talk your way out of.”

“What I sensed, what I tasted in the back of my throat, was the bitterness of fear. The tanginess of anguish and hopelessness. And the saltiness of determination and resolve. That was what I felt when I saw you. A girl who was barely a woman, forced to fulfil a promise she never agreed to. I knew you did not want to be there.”

“All I think about when I’m trying to sleep or eat or am doing anything is how I was the Maiden and found unworthy by the Primal of Death.”

“Friendship? Even if I considered such a thing, I would never think of you. There is no way I could ever trust you. That I would not doubt or question every thought or action. Not when you were shaped and groomed to be whatever it is you believed I wanted. Not when you are just a vessel that would be empty if not for the ember of life you carry within you.”

“I do have the authority. Over you. Over everyone here and every mortal in and outside of this realm, but that is not why I have these conditions. They are in place to help keep you safe.”

“So, keep that in mind the next time you doubt the realness of my interest. Because I won’t have you up against a wall. I will have you on your back, under me, and neither of us will remember our fucking names. Are we clear, liessa?”

“To do what? Explain yourself? It is unnecessary. I know all that I need to. You were willing to do anything to save your people. I can respect that. I can also…respect how far you were willing to go to fulfill this duty of yours. But for what purpose? Love has never been on the table.”

“I don’t know the circumstances that led to your arrival, but what I do know is that I trust no one in either realm more than Nyktos, nor would I feel safer anywhere else.”

“My apologies. I should’ve elaborated. I’m very good at pretending to enjoy things I do not, but I was not pretending when I had your tongue in my mouth.”

“There are many ways you can be taken out. Thousands. And I’m well acquainted with all of them. Your options are endless. Some painless. Some quick. This way won’t be either.”

“My father loved my mother more than anything in these realms. More than he should have. And still, he could not keep her safe. That is why I have these conditions. These rules as you like to call them. It’s not about me attempting to exert authority over you or control you. It’s about trying to do what my father failed at. It’s about making sure you do not meet the same fate as my mother.”

“I am known as the Asher. The One who is Blessed. I am the Guardian of Souls and the Primal God of Common Men and Endings. I am Nyktos, ruler of the Shadowlands, the Primal of Death.”

“That what you just did is nothing short of a blessing. You’re a blessing, Sera. No matter what anyone says or believes, you are a blessing. You always have been. You need to know that.”

“I know you should rest. I know I should…let you be, but I…If it’s okay with you, I would just like to be here with you. That’s all. Just be here.”

“Do you really think I wanted to do this to you? To anyone? It was the only way we believed we could save our people. It was all I’d been taught. For my entire life. It’s all I’ve ever known. I would say I’m sorry, but you wouldn’t believe me. I don’t blame you for that, but don’t you dare insinuate that what I’ve done with you was purely an act or that what I’m feeling is fake when I’ve spent my entire godsdamn life not being allowed to want or even feel anything for myself! Not when I spent the last three years hating myself for the relief I felt when you didn’t take me because it meant I didn’t have to do what was expected of me.”

“You may not be Chosen, but you were born into this realm, shrouded in the veil of the Primals. A Maiden as the Fates promised. And you shall leave this realm touched by life and death.”

“As the Primal of Death, I risk destroying the mortal’s soul if they’re in my presence for any extended period of time, at least for those who have passed through judgement. That is a balance to prevent the Primal of Death from creating his or her version of life. There is no exact rule against it for gods or other mortals, but it wouldn’t be wise. Visiting loved ones who have moved on can cause both the one living and the one who has passed to become stuck—to want what neither can have, whether that be to continue seeing their loved one or to return to the living. It can even cause them to leave the Vale, and that does not end well.”

“But you spoke with no fear. You acted fearlessly. Each time I saw you. You interested me, and I hadn’t expected that. I didn’t want that. But at that lake, you were just Seraphena. And I was just Ash. There was no deal. No perceived obligations. You stayed simply because you wanted to. I stayed only because I wanted to. You let me touch you because that was what you wanted, not because you felt as if you had to. Maybe I should’ve told you, but I was…enjoying myself with you. I wasn’t ready for that to end.”

“It’s not your palm I want wrapped around my cock right now. It’s you I want. Tight and wet and warm. And if you keep touching me like that, that’s what’s going to happen. I’m going to get inside you, and it won’t be my fingers you’ll be fucking. I think you know that.”

“You feel like silk and sunshine. Beautiful. That’s it, liessa, fuck my hand.”

“Because now here we are. You’re in the Shadowlands. And soon, you will be known as the Consort. My enemies will become yours.”

“I know one thing, liessa. A monster wouldn’t care if they were one.”

“That is why I am called the Blessed One. No one knows how I survived that kind of birth. Love caused their deaths long before either had taken their final breaths. Before my father even met my mother. Love is a beautiful weapon, often wielded as a means to control another. It shouldn’t be a weakness, but that is what it becomes. And those most innocent always pay for it. I’ve never seen anything good come from love.”

“It is far easier to be lied to than it is to acknowledge that you have been lied to.”

“There were, and things went both good and bad. It’s never easy making that choice. Life is important, liessa, but what comes after is an eternity. I know many believe that things are black and white. That if you do this or that, you will be rewarded with paradise or punished. It’s never simple. There are people who do terrible things, but that doesn’t always mean they’re terrible people.”

“He’s a monster. He’s always been a monster. Our…our father knew that. Everyone knows that. He is, as you said, of little significance.”

“Once you are introduced as my Consort, only the most foolish of gods would go after your family, as they would become an extension of mine.”

“Only I get to determine what does and doesn’t involve me. What I do and do not do is of no concern to anyone. Not even a god.”

“You’re not unworthy. You’re not a curse or anything like that. You carry the ember of life in you. You carry hope within you. You carry the possibility of a future. You don’t know what the Primal of Death thinks.”

“I think it’s all the wicked, indecent bones in my body guiding my thoughtfulness.”

“I was…scared. I was to marry the Primal of Death. I was anxious. Of course, I felt hopeless. I felt like I had no control. But I was there. I was still there. I knew what was expected of me, and I was willing to fulfill it. You were not.”

“Touch me, and I will break every bone in your hand. And then I will make sure the Princess has no reason to fear her wedding night or any night she is doomed to spend at your side.”