Variation

“You, Allie. You scared the shit out of me. Do you have any idea what you mean to me? You’re my air. And I know you don’t even want to think about going there when it comes to us, that you need things all neat and tidy, but I’m already there. Messy. Tangled. So wrapped up in you that I couldn’t breathe in that ER because I needed to be here with you.”

“Hudson, do me a favor and at least say goodbye to her this time before you go, would you? It would be a shame for me to go to jail for acting on a decade’s worth of intrusive thoughts when it comes to your demise.”

“You look like a fucking dream, Allie. Truly breathtaking.”

“Denying you the little orgasm you almost took so I can ruin you with the one I’m going to give you.”

“I’ve already told you that you’re remarkable. You’ve only been doing this for five months. Give yourself grace, but check your ego. I just told you why you aren’t ready for pointe, not that you suck. You don’t. Ballet is a lifetime of development, of never settling for the skills you have now, knowing that you might be phenomenal, but still striving for that unattainable feeling of perfection.”

“I meant what I said. Every word of it. And if you want to use someone for an escape, then it’s me you’ll be using. Sure, I’d like you to fuck me because you need me, but I’ll take you however I can get you, Allie.”

“Truth always differs depending on who’s telling the story, and in complicated situations, there are countless variations. But when it comes to that summer, in every single variant, I’m the asshole who wasn’t strong enough to hold on to her.”

“There’s no one else. Never was. Not for either of us. They were all just placeholders.”

“So much for not looking at her. And seriously, they’re not allowed to date, and I don’t want to watch you get all angsty over there.”

“Would have been a way better morning if I’d woken you up with an orgasm. I do enjoy breakfast in bed.”

“My mom wanted to adopt me. Alina wanted to give me up. They both got what they wanted. Why doesn’t it matter what I want? Why do I only matter when I turn eighteen?”

“We’re on the same team, Anne. I want what’s best for Juniper and Allie. The only place our interests diverge is Caroline, who I will choose over you every time, just like you’d choose your own sister. Same team. Stop trying to draw my blood. Leaving Allie the first time bled me dry already.”

“Agreement amended. My rule is you can touch me whenever you want, Alessandra. Public. Private. Doesn’t matter to me. Any part of me. With any part of you. Anytime you want. Now might be good, since we’re putting on a show and all.”

“But the Rousseau sisters always had the look-but-don’t-touch vibe, and a touch-them-and-I’ll-ruin-you mother, and while I let that torch burn bright and hot before letting it go, Hudson here still carries his, and now that she’s been back in town a couple of weeks? Hudson is the Death Star, and that woman is Luke, about to blow his ass up.”

“I’m the one who needs you. I need you, I always have.”

“To be flawlessly convincing, you should unblock my number so you can get ahold of me, assuming that’s why you never picked up any of the times I tried to call you.”

“You know, Allie’s walls were about six feet high as a teenager, just short enough for me to peek over. I was never foolish enough to think she let me all the way in, not with the way you Rousseau girls keep secrets for each other. But now, those walls are thick as hell and easily twenty feet tall, if not more, which is fine—I know how to climb—but we both know those bricks aren’t all because of me.”

“If that means I have to watch from a distance as she lives her life without me, then it fucking sucks, but so be it. I love her enough to let her go.”